It Has To Stop!

That's right...It has to stop! And "It" means "Belly Progression" pictures on Facebook. For those of you who are unaware, it is the chronological captioning of the progression of a pregnant women's belly. Now I know most are giddy about having children, but do you really want to show off your belly to the free world? Worse is that some of these "Belly Progression" pictures are taken without any garmets over the belly. I mean the last thing I think when I see a bare pregnant belly is "sexy". I am going to keep this post short and sweet b/c I do know how emotional women can be while carrying a pea in the pod, and I prefer to see my next birthday. If you have thoughts or comments on this please post. Until next time...Stop the Progressive Pics!

Popcorn Button

There are many things in life that really baffle me. For instance, how a computer works, why the ladies that smoke at my building use the window outside my office as a mirror and pick their wedgies as if I can't see them, or why there is a button on the microwave that says "Popcorn". I'm sure if I researched and questioned the first two items, I could eventually move these items into my "learned items" folder in my brain, but I will never understand the "Popcorn" button on the microwave. You might be asking yourself, "why is he bringing up the popcorn button on the microwave?" Well last Friday, after a long week with our Sr. VP in town, I settled back into my half walled (my walls don't go to the ceiling, therefore I don't know if this can be classified as an office, but we will use that term) office for a little peace and quiet before I tackled my "to do" list that grew exponentially over the week. Just at the time I got comfortable in my ergonomic chair and pull up espn.com, I get a phone call from Brian saying that he wanted me to go pick up his tickets for the Lil' Wayne concert upstairs. I obliged and headed out the door to the elevators. I entered one of the elevators and pushed the button to go up and nothing happened. I think to myself, "oh well this one is just not working", and head to another. I enter that cab and press another button and it doesn't work, then an odor seeps into my nasal cavity and it is clear what is going on. BURNED POPCORN! Being a Property Manager for almost three years, I know what four open elevators on the first floor means. I would like to think it means the elevators are so friendly and inviting that they give you your choice of which elevator to ride, but that is far from reality. It means there is a fire alarm going off somewhere in this monstrous 21 floor building. I won't get into the procedures, but fire alarms are the last thing you want to deal with on a Friday afternoon. I immediately take my post at the door and start shooing people out of the building, and field phone calls of people asking if it is a real fire. BTW if the fire alarm goes off in your building and no one came over the intercom beforehand to tell you it was a test then please DO NOT call and start scurrying those feet down the stairs! On a further side note a lady called and said, "do we have to evacuate? the Fireman up here said we did." Honestly, I don't think this even warrants commentary on the Working Days... Blog. Alright back to my point, fire alarm is going off, people are evacuating (minus lady in previous sentence), and about 40 firefighters with axes are checking out the problem. It didn't take long for the fire chief to come downstairs and inform me that we have the "All Clear" and confirmed my nasal instincts that it was indeed BURNED POPCORN. When I hear this, I start my investigation on the perpetrator that decided popcorn with a little "Flare" would be a good Friday afternoon snack. After questioning some witnesses whose names will remain confidential due to the sensitive nature of this issue, I find out that the lady used...you guessed it, the "POPCORN BUTTON". It would be a lie if I told you that I have never used the button, but I learned my lesson after the 3rd time I used the it. I always was a slow lerner. Let's just say that the consistency of burning my popcorn using the "Popcorn" button rivals Barack Obama's use of the word "stimulus" in his public speeches. I know it has been a long journey to establish credibility to this question, but it was needed to ask, "Why is there a "Popcorn" button on the microwave when it always burns the popcorn?" Did Orville Redenbacher sit in front of a congressional hearing committee for the "Popcorn" button and testify under oath that the standard "Popcorn" button time should be 17:00 minutes on High to "puff" his companies profits? I don't think I will ever understand the people who decided on the "standard" timing of the "Popcorn" button. The unfortunate thing for all of us that have learned our lesson about the "Popcorn" button is that microwave makers have now added features such as, "Frozen Vegetable" button, "Pizza" button, and even an auto sensing "Chicken" button...that sounds a bit explosive to me. Well if you have any insight on this, please pass along. Meanwhile, I am going to go ask this woman (got to be pushing 208 lbs.) why she thinks that I can't see her making garment adjustments in the reflection of my window.

Spin Class

Last night I had the ride of my life... Recently, Sarah and I joined a new gym in the neighborhood. I joined because of proximity to the house ( in other words...nothing to do with exercising), and Sarah joined because she wanted to be able to do more "Classes" (everything to do with exercising). Well, as of late, Sarah has been a class machine with our friend Margaret. Every time I am coming home from work, I get a phone call from Sarah saying, "Margaret and I are going to yoga class, or body pump class, or sculpting class, or boxing class, or jazzercise." Soon they will be looking like the women in the background of that show "Body by Jake" that used to come on Saturday mornings on ESPN. After a little coaxing by Sarah and Margaret, I decided to test one of these classes out. I decided on Spin Class b/c it sounded as if this one would have the most male attendance, and to be real honest, I don't think I could survive the rigors of jazzercise or kickboxing (I've seen how much Billy Blanks sweats in those infomercials). We arrive at the gym for the class and I am getting pumped about this class b/c I feel that I am going to knock it out of the park. For those who haven't been to spin class, it involves a dark room, loud music, a bike, and a scantily clad instructor... Get the idea now...good! Our class was attended by about 10 people, 8 of which were of the female variety, therefore my selection of a manly class was now dismissed. I tell myself, "oh well, press on." So I select a bike next to Sarah and Margaret and our instructor (let's call her Misty) shows up in her biking shorts, sports bra, and belly ring. I take a look at her and think to myself..."she might want to wear a little more clothing b/c she doesn't exactly have the chiseled body for that attire." This only gives me more confidence that this class should be cake. After adjusting my bike to maximum speed specifications, the music begins and we take off. It was a nice little song that got our blood pumping as we warmed up. After we were nice and warm, Misty screams, "Let's go!" as Britney rages in the background, so we start pedaling hard. Here is where the night gets good. I look up and Misty is pedaling so fast that a doped up Floyd Landis would be jealous. She had to be going at 190 RPMs (80 RPMs is about what the pros do at The Tour de France). After witnessing her blazing speed, I step it up and start going hard. Mind you, we are 5 minutes into this class and I am already starting to pant like a grown husky dog in the Mississippi summer. Meanwhile, Misty is explaining to us that we need to, "think about our fitness goals for the year." The only goals I am thinking about are 1. don't pass out and 2. make it through the whole class. After the first couple of songs, I look as if I just went for a nice steam in the steam room, and Misty yells out, "Crank the resistance up to an 8.5 and Let's hit the mountains!" I knew it was coming, but not this early, so I sandbag it a little bit and put my resistance at about a 6. We go at this pass for a bit and right about the time my heart rate is recovering, Misty tells us to crank it up to a 9. So in my sandbagging ways, I go up to about a 7.5. It doesn't take long to feel heat of the burn in my legs to start. Gasping for oxygen like an Everest climber I dig deep, and complete the mountain song. Misty tells us to hit the flat stage after this, and she goes into her doped up Floyd Landis form again. I check my watch and see that we have been in there for 27 minutes at the time and feel a little relief that the class is almost over. So I crank out the cadence like Misty thinking I am Lance Armstrong. I am blowing by the competition in my mind, soon to be drinking champagne as I enter the streets of Paris. Right at 30 minutes, I hear Misty getting on the microphone again and she says, "Let's hit those mountains again!" What?!? I thought this was a 30 minute class, so I look at Sarah and I ask her how long the class was. She tells me it is an hour, and every four letter word comes to my head. As the next 30 minutes transpired, three words describe my experience, Sweaty, Panting, and Burning. At the end of the class, Misty tells us good job and she looks like she just went for a stroll around the park. I on the other hand look like I was forced to do jumping jacks in the Sahara Desert with bricks on my shoes. I walk out bow legged like I had been riding a horse for two days and struggle to make it up the stairs. I get in the car and tell Sarah that is the hardest I have worked out since high school soccer practice. Luckily I make a phone call to a friend and we decide that the best thing to do to recover is to go eat some buffalo wings. So much for the workout...those 12 wings were the best thing I have put in my mouth in a while. Needless to say, I woke up this morning with indigestion and unable to walk. Overall, I would call last night a success on both the workout and eating fronts! Any of you out there do these class things? If so, please share.

Snuggie Rights Movement

It has happened again. Unfortunately I was already on my way to work before Snuggie Nation crashed in on the Today Show, but thankfully the internet saved me again. With the rising nation of Snuggie followers increasing everyday, it's inevitable that we will soon be witnessing a Snuggie Rights Movement through our nation. I was able to catch up with Cow Lick the spokesman for Snuggie Nation this morning and he had this to say about the movement, "There has been a dramatic rise in the Snuggie population in the past months. We expect our enrollment to continue throughout the winter months, and beyond. We (Snuggie Nation) are going to fight to get the Snuggie to have equal attire rights in the corporate world. In order to further our agenda, we are going to Washington to march on the Mall and hear from Snuggie activist around the nation. We hope to inspire Hope and Change for all dress codes across this nation." Fortunately, President Obama still has his inauguration platform standing creating a perfect setting for the Snuggie Rights Movement. Preparation for the march will begin on Monday in our Nation's capital. For information on how to buy tickets to the march, you can visit www.snuggierightsmovement.com or call 1-900-Snugglicious.

Snuggie - It Just Won't Go Away

The Snuggie just won't leave me alone. I wake up and the commercial is on during SportsCenter. I see the ad while brushing my teeth and watching the Today Show. I can't open a website without a Snuggie pop up flashing in front of me. I talk about it during lunch with Brian today. Then I come back to the office and during my daily perusal of cyberspace I run across this feature on the Snuggie. This thing is everywhere! I would bet it is advertised more than the Super Bowl right now. According to the video over 4 million have been sold, and they are about to expand their line with a "Baby Snuggie." This thing is unbelievable! Well I have to ask the Working Days... nation if anyone has a Snuggie. If you do, please chime in and let me know your review on the product b/c I am dangerously close to buying one.

Life...According to My Pentax

With all the new phones, cameras, and posting options these days, I rarely bring out my Pentax Optio 4i, but when I do, it captures some excellent images. Here is what my life has looked like through my Pentax lens over the past couple of years. Some of the names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Date: 4thish of July 2006

This was taken shortly before we arrived at Dicky Wade's beach house in Gulf Shores, or somewhere down there. The Great White Hype and I were so excited about the 4th of July that we bought all kinds of fireworks including this MAD HORNET. As we pulled up to the condo with our arsenal that would have made the Army jealous, there were signs littering the roadside that said, "NO FIREWORKS". Needless to say it was bombs away, until some rent a cop almost captured us. For those of you wondering, we did blow up the Thumper.

Date: July 2006

Wrigley Field in July has become an annual summer ritual. There is a holy touch to this place. You know that song, "If Heaven ain't a lot like Dixie, then I don't want to go!" Well "If Heaven ain't a lot like Wrigley, then I don't want to go!"

Date: Thanksgiving 2006

This is a typical reaction at the Fiser household when asked to take a family pic. Little Sister has been crying b/c we told her that she had to change, Big Sister just refuses to change, and I am telling the camera what I think about family pictures. By the way, nice pink slippers Big Sister.

Date: October 2006

A wedding we attending on the Eastern Shore in Maryland. The wedding was much like the one on Wedding Crashers minus the senator. We were trying to get a nice couples picture until "dude" decided that he was going to ruin it. I think "dude's" name is Steve (he is not innocent). Here is a story to give you an idea of how coherent this fellow was: This was a quaint destination wedding with about 50 seated guest at the wedding, and 50ish guest that stood behind the seats.The fall breeze off of the Chesapeake Bay was tickling our noses as we watched the lovely couple engage in their vows. Dude was standing in the rear and upon the pronouncement of husband and wife, his first comment was "F-bomb Yea!" as tears of joy streamed down his face. Needless to say the whole crowd turned and looked at him in aww. Now you probably understand why "Dude" looks like "Dude".

Date: December 2006




My cousin and I look so intimidating. If I were a deer, I would hide too! These should have hidden a little better!








Date: January 2007




I didn't make a very good shot on this one! Hence the crater in his stomach. Sorry for those that have weak stomachs.

Date: December 2007

The Deer Hunting Santa came early.

Date: January 2009

Caught this one napping on the job Saturday. First Muzzeloader kill. If you look closely my smile is frozen on my face from my 4 wheeler ride to go get him.

Date: October 2007

I would like to think that this was mile 24 of the Chicago marathon, but I think it was more like mile 10. My Dad is running with me giving me the Prefontaine speech, but it isn't working very well, so he resorted to the Jimmy V speech "Never Give Up, Never Ever Give Up". I was mighty close.

Date: Winterish 2008

Two stunningly beautiful women. Christopher, I am sorry, but this is the only photo I had on my camera of you. Congrats on the engagement!

Date: April 2008

Maggie trying harmonize with Mick Jagger. Mick is telling his body guard to get her out of his face. Here is a sample of Mick's killer lyrical performance.

Jay ready to slay the drum lines. Maggie...still harmonizing in the background after repeated attempts to tell her that Mick and the Stones had the stage!
















Date: January 2008





Really not sure what ole Lew Dog is doing. It was on his bachelor party, so you can take a wild stab at this one.














Date: April 2008


Right before we got rowdy at Lew Dog's rehearsal dinner. I have to say I delivered the most stunning toast of my career at this dinner.











Date: April 2008


Not sure if Max Collinswood was hitting a high note or just had something bad to eat at Lew Dog's rehearsal dinner. Whatever it is, please step away from the wife.











Date: April 2008


Knocking out some mad riffs on the air guitar before my unbelievable solo!








Date: April 2008


Mick and his lady after making up over the harmony debacle.








Date: April 2008


Me and my beautiful bride.











Date: April 2008


Alex and our dates after eating some Krystal burgers with our shirts off.





Date: April 2008


Teddy Sheffield and Max Collinswood doing what we do best.This picture reminds me of that song by Mims, "This is why I'm hot". I know that is what comes to everyone else's mind too.




Date: April 2008
Teddy Sheffield banging out some chords on the air guitar (again), and celebrating future good times to be had by all.

Alert! New Post!

Get ready Working Days... Nation, New post arriving tomorrow with pictures! Here is a little teaser...

Site Tracker

In a nostalgic move, I decided to take a moment and check out the Working Days... archives and read some of the fan comments. After viewing two or three post, I realized that the Working Days... blog is about as recession proof as the economy. In an effort to better track the progress of this magnificent publication, I have installed a site tracker. This thing is like a heat seeking missile. If you read the blog and don't comment, it will come find you and destroy you. So I beggeth you not to become a victim of the "Site Tracker" because it will find you. Also, I have decided to put some people on the Endangered Commenters List. These once thriving commenters are near extinction and we wouldn't want their fate to be like the dinosaurs. If you are on the list, a comment within the next 30 days will provide me with sufficient evidence to remove you from the list. Here is the list and a few comments about the species:

1. Sarah Fiser - My wife for those who didn't put two and two together. Where you at honey? Reading without commenting is like marriage with no commitment.

2. Jordan "JoJo" Holt - The former JoJo Orso, now married to frequent commenter Alex Holt of the "That much further ham" blog has been missing since 2006. I know that marriage has taken a toll on the commenting, but if your hubby can do it...you can. I look forward to hearing from the woman who keeps Alex from eating Krystal at 4 AM with no shirt on.

3. David "Daryl Waltrip" Weems - Upon his completion of law school, this young JD has gone missing. Some tell me he is knee deep in contracts at his current law firm. While this poses a plausible excuse, one would argue that if he has time to sun by his pool then he has time to comment. Don't become extinct DW.

4. Clare Rush - The former Clare Smith, was an avid commenter in '06. It is believed that she has gone missing for many of the same reasons as Daryl Waltrip. I would hope that with a husband that has the competence to fly fighter jets, she would have the competence to comment. Time is running out, so please don't become extinct.

5. Bridgers Family - Besides my wife, this list is full of teachers and lawyers. One would think that school must be in session, or bankruptcies must be flowing at this time of year. This famous Bonnie and Clyde duo has been spotted, but only briefly in the past couple of years. It has been in places such as Winston Salem, Chicago, and Tuscaloosa. I don't believe this is sufficient to get them off the Endangered Commenter List. A comment from this duo will solidify that this captivating duo still exist.

People that didn't make the Endangered Commenter List, but are being placed on Commenter Watch are as follows:

1. Robbie Stroud
2. Anna Fiser
3. Craig Hey
4. Matt Kemph
5. Maggie O'Connor

A special thanks to these faithful commenters who keep me going:
1. Courtney Baxley
2. Alex Holt

Don't Become Extinct, Comment Today!

Buffalo Wings - A Synopsis of the Gray Fiser Wing Career

Look out! For some of us who (might be whom right here, will someone please correct my grammar if incorrect) indulge in the delicious goodness that is Buffalo Wings, the prices are going up according to this CNN video. Although my line graph of wing consumption and 401k are strikingly similar as of late, my taste buds occasionally still tingle for those golden fried, butter bathed, ranch dipped gems. I forget, or try not to think about, how many of my meals in college consisted of wings. At the pinnacle of my wing eating career, I had 3 wing nights a week, averaging 19 pieces at each sitting. Of course, I asked for extra celery and carrots to convince myself that it was a well balanced meal. Not to mention the extra ranch and brews that provided even more balanced. Upon further review of the Nutrition, or Lack of Nutrition facts, I think this price increase might be a good thing. At 32.5 mg of cholesterol packed into a single wing, I have now discovered the origin of my heightened cholesterol levels in my blood. Since this snack looks like it will be shelved for a while, I can only dream of my favorite flavors. Here are my top 3 flavors:

1. Teriyaki

2. Honey BBQ

3. Lemon Pepper

Good thing there isn't a Buffalo Connection in Memphis because that is where I would be dining for lunch.

If you have further information on the wing crisis that looms, please comment. Long Live the Buffalo Wing!

Inauguration Day - What Came to Mind

As I watched the Inauguration coverage last night, some interesting thoughts came to my mind. I know this was a monumental day in the history of the USA, and I don't intend to diminish it's significance but I couldn't control my mind. Sometimes it is like a raging tiger wanting to pounce, and last night was no exception. So without further adoo (sp?), here are some of the thoughts that went through my crazy head:

1. Aretha...where did you get that hat? If I were Obama, I would have gotten on the bag phone and called the Pentagon to issue a code red on her wardrobe. Honestly, where do you buy a hat like that? At last glance, Niemann's didn't have any in their winter catalogue. Someone please let me know where those are sold, and I will get a petition going to discontinue the production.

2. Junior High Student Dance - With all due respect Mr. President, your dance with the First Lady was worst than my first dance with Bonnie Dunn at the 7th grade fall festival dance in the cafeteria. (sorry Bonnie, but I had not yet polished my incredible moves that I possess today) You made history by becoming the first African-American President, so from now on please dance like you are the first African American President. Please leave the lame dance moves to white dudes like the W. and Wild Bill.








3. Kennedy Tries to Steal Obama's Thunder - What would a historical day in US politics be without a Kennedy episode? For the love, can we please have an event that is free of Kennedy Drama. If the episode was legit, get well soon Senator. If not, please resign b/c this was Obama's day.









4. BET Party - One news network showed the BET Inauguration party, and I was wondering if Joe Biden and his wife attended it. Maybe they got a ride with Hilary and Bill's Caddy.







5. Preach Off - I would like to see a preach off between TD Jakes and Rick Warren to see who could bring on the spiritual heat better. My money would be on Jakes. Look how intense he is.

V.

In all seriousness...Congratulations President Obama! You have made history and I wish you the best of luck in the upcoming years. I certainly wouldn't want to be in your position.

Snuggie

Wow! It is bone chilling in Memphis today. Being a thin blooded Jacksonian, these days are unwelcome. I really don't see how people live in Sheboygan, Fargo, and Bismarck during the winter. What do they do when the temp is in the single digits...with a minus sign in front of it? Hibernate like bears? Well I did a little research to find out how people stay warm in the upper midwest during the winter, and realized that the answer was right in front of me. It has been airing on TV for the past 3 months. The solution is a SNUGGIE. https://www.getsnuggie.com/flare/next?videoID=ai195&bufferTime=5 I could really use one this morning b/c it is hard to type on the keyboard underneath a blanket. I need the little arm sleeves to let my little fingers peck away. Well since the snuggies are on backorder, it looks as if I am going to have to deal with my purple hands for a while. Until next time...peace!

Overtime Thoughts of Peyton Manning

Fortunate for most, and unfortunate for some, I am back for a daily double on the Working Days... blog. For those NFL fans out there, forget Christmas and New Years, it is now the most wonderful time of the year...The Playoffs. After watching the Cardinals drub the Falcons, it was time to settle in for the much anticipated Chargers/Colts game. Both teams are hotter than Jennifer Aniston's GQ cover shoot, and one had to go down. Not only was the game great, but we got some free football as well. If there is one thing in NFL football that I am not wild about, it is the overtime rules. I don't like the coin toss being the most dramatic situation during the whole game. The Chargers didn't win the game when Darren Sproles scampered into the end zone, they won when tails was face up on the coin at the beginning of overtime. Back to the point of the post though... I don't know if anyone caught the look on Peyton Manning's face as the Chargers drove down the field in overtime. It was a cross between a stock broker at the end of a horrendous day, and Macho Man Randy Savage before he was about to pile drive someone to the mat. I sat there and pondered what might be going through his bright red head. Here's what I think were Peyton's overtime thoughts:

1. He planning his next attack strategy in the off chance that the Chargers didn't score from the 25 yard line. I think it might have been as futile as General Petraeus strategizing over how to train Iraqi soldiers for the re-establishment of the new Iraqi government. A tough task nonetheless...see video

2. He was thinking about all those anger management brochures that his brother Eli has been sending him since they were teenagers, and Peyton cold cocked him after a game of teather ball. Pondering whether he should enroll after the Chargers punched it in for the victory. How was the media going to handle this? Would it get out to them? Once admitted, would he ever get out. The brochure did say that it has worked on NYC cab drivers for over 10 years.

3. He knew that the game was over and he was fretting over the fact that he would have to pay $15 for the first bag, and $25 for the second bag to travel to the Pro Bowl.

4. He was confused about the process of getting the grass stains out of his pants. He was thinking, "do I use cold water or hot? should I spray shout on it? should I let the dry cleaners deal with is?"

5. He was thinking about his next Gatorade commercial and what color he wanted to sweat. Purple, Black, Green, Magenta?

Whatever the thoughts, you know the intensity was there evidenced by the bulging vein in his forehead. Any one have other ideas what he was thinking about?

How Do You Read Your Books?

Yes, it has been a while since the last post. Let's blame it on the down economy instead of the holidays. Recently, I have moved buildings that I manage at Parkway from one in a suburb to downtown. It is a different world down here. Parking, exercising, and even reading books are different down here. I now park in a parking garage...yep the same one that ate the side paneling off my car. I am joining a new gym that I walk to instead of drive to now. Lastly, the way that you read a book is different. I had just finished up a delicious turkey sandwich with cracked pepper chips at home and came back to the building. I parked in the side eating garage and headed straight for the sky bridge to the building. As I approached the sky bridge, I see this person walking around with their head down and pacing as if they were mad. I think to myself, no big deal, this is how people deal with anger downtown. Well as I approached the lady, I realize that she is also smoking a cigarette...you think...aaahhh not uncommon...well upon further investigation, she is reading a book too. Now when I read, which is rarely, I usually am sitting down with a nice beverage of choice and quietly read. I've seen people read on park benches, eat lunch and read, but never have I seen someone who reads, gets exercise, and feeds the hunger for nicotine at the same time. It was an incredible sight and somehow I hope to multi task this way in the future. Just curious...how do you read your books?

Alert: Failed Coaching Search Leads AU to Chizik

Ten days after Auburn decided to part ways with Tubs, we decide to hire...wait for it...wait for it...Gene Chizik!?!? Yes, I am perplexed too. Amidst my confusion of the new hire for the AU football coaching job, I tried to take a couple of different approaches to rationalize this hire. Here are my approaches at conclusions:

1. The Family Tree Approach - My first thought was that this was due to an AU Family bond. Being a coach from 2002-2004, gives Chizik a little street cred on Samford Ave. His old house is probably up for sale due to home foreclosure, and his old office probably still has the nail holes from his old pictures. It will be just like the old times. All comforting thoughts about the hire, but then I start to rationlize a little more, and pose this question...So AU you are telling me this guy is better than the following family members?...Muschamp, Fisher, Nix, Gardner, Dooley, hell even the Bobby "The Weasel" Petrino? I find it very hard to believe that list is inferior to Chizik. I firmly believe this was the only guy on the AU list that Bobby Lowder could get along with. Thanks for screwing things up again my friend.

2. The Numbers Approach - So let's give credit where credit is due...Chizik did have some dominating defenses at AU and UT during his tenure. He even had a two year streak where he won 26ish games in a row. (someone please check my math) In 2004 and 2005 you could cherry pick your defensive statistics and make a great argument that he directed the best defenses two years in a row. Now let's flip the coin and look at his Head Coaching experience. Again, Ames, IA is no Auburn, AL, but numbers generally don't lie. 5-19 over two years, 2-10 in 2008 with 0 wins over Big 12 opponents, of which none were named Texas/Texas Tech/Oklahoma. Both wins were over perennial powerhouses named South Dakota State and Kent State. If my math is correct, Tubs win total in 2008 (I believe 2nd worst record over 10 years) equalled Chizik's win total over two years. Let's put this in business terms...I have a salesman that sells 5,000 sweatbands this year. I tell him to hit the road b/c I don't like his production. I hire a search firm to hit up Monster and Career Builder to find me a new guy. I interview a couple of guys that sold 8,000 sweatbands this year, but I turn them down for the guy that sold 2,000 sweatbands this year, and only 5,000 over two years. I believe a pink slip would be coming to the person who did the hiring and firing.

In summary, I don't like the hire that AU made. It's not because I don't like Gene Chizik...I just don't like his numbers over the past couple of years. I know he has AU family connections, but take a look at the overall picture. In my mind, I think Chizik can win at Auburn. It might take 3 years, and we need to be patient. In my opinion the number one person that needs to go is Jay Jacobs. He couldn't manage a Burger King. He botched this from the start by not sticking his neck out and telling everyone that he fired Tubs. Face it Jacobs...your next and I hope that the President releases a statement saying you resigned instead of got fired. Oh and don't expect a buyout like the one that Tubs deserved...OUT!!!

Gunshots and Robbers

Working on a combined 2 hours of "good REM" sleep over the past two nights, I come to this post weary eyed and fatigued. The last two nights have been infamous in our callow marriage. Here is a recap:

Monday/Tuesday Night:

On Monday nights Sarah goes to girl's Bible study and leaves me and Wrigley to watch our "Man" TV shows (The First 48 and Monday Night Football). As I settled in with my man Wrigley, storms started approaching the greater Memphis area and lightning and thunder started rocking the house, and the satellite dish. It was perfect for watching my episode of the First 48 that documents detectives during the first 48 hours after a homicide for those who don't know. The weather added an extra level of suspense to the show. This particular episode followed a homicide of an innocent man killed by stray gunfire. Apparently the murderer went to an apartment complex with an AK47 and shot up an apartment of a guy who stole a rock of crack from him 5 years earlier. Talk about not letting go. So while this "Joe" shot up the 1st floor apartment, he got a little crazy and let the bullets spray into the second floor apartment where he struck a man and killed him. Wrigley and I thoroughly enjoyed the episode at the moment, and finished the night off with some MNF. When Sarah got home at 9:45 the weather had not let up. Still thundering and lightning and windy. Shortly after Sarah got home, we got in bed b/c I get grumpy if I don't get in bed by 10:30 and get my beauty rest. I didn't take me five seconds to fall asleep, and shortly thereafter I hit my REM stage of sleep. I would say it was on my second cycle of REM sleep and my 5,679th sheep to count I woke up to a sudden BOOM BOOM BOOM!!! Sarah popped up faster than Usain Bolt, and we both looked at each other and screamed what is going on! I instantly thought that someone was shooting up my neighbors house like on the First 48, so I hit the deck and tell Sarah that someone is shooting someone with an AK47. Some of you might not believe this could happen, but we do live in the Detroit of the South...Memphis. Forehead Sweating and Heart Jumping out of my chest, I get the courage to look out the window. When I look out, I see white flashes coming from the power line and the BOOM BOOM continues. I think Santa is here early and he got his sleigh stuck on the power line, or the house is going to blow up. We are freaked by now, and scrambling to get the power companies number. Luckily it quit and the transformer finally blew. Needless to say we both had so much adrenaline running through our bodies that we could have bench pressed cars, and sleep was no where on our radar.

Tuesday/Wednesday Night:

After the hitches in my sleep cycles on Monday night, I was not up for doing anything on Tuesday night. Sarah and I cooked a nice little dinner and posted up on the couch to watch Get Smart. I highly recommend this movie, especially if you are looking to take a break from suspenseful shows like the First 48 like I was after Monday night. We finish up the show and head off to bed to get what we thought was going to be a nice full night's rest. In fact, we purposely got in the bed at 9:45 to be extra rested. Of course it only took me a count of 30 seconds to get to bed, and I assume Sarah was out shortly thereafter. Busy dreaming about being a middle reliever for the Chicago Cubs, I am woken by a beep beep on our alarm keypad in our room at 12:45. For the second night in a row, Sarah and I both erect quickly and look at each other and scream, "What is going on?!?" After the pad beeped one more time, the house alarm starts going off. For those of you who don't have home alarms this is not a fun way to wake up. I have never practiced a burglar alarm drill before, and it showed when I got up. The first thing I did was walk out the door and go check the house. I think the number one rule is to not panic, then second is the rule to not approach a Robber. Well I was breaking both of them at the same time. Again, my adrenaline was rushing, and I was ready to punch someone out like I was Kimbo Slice. After checking out the house like Steve Carrell on Get Smart, I see no signs of broken glass or robbers. While I was going all detective on the house, Sarah is frantically dialing 911 and calling the cops. The siren is blaring, neighbors lights are turning on, the dogs are howling, it is total chaos. I try every code in the book to turn off the alarm, but just can't get it to work. A couple of minutes pass and here come blue lights down the street, a little bit of relief comes over me. The officer and I punch every code imaginable in. I think we even tried up, down, up, down, a, b, a, b, select...or whatever that code on Nintendo was. After unsuccessful attempts, I take it outside and shut the breaker to the house off. AAAAHHHHHHHHH....what a relief...silence. Well that was short lived...a minute later the alarm goes off again...luckily when I punch the code in again it stops. By this time there are 3 cops at the house, and alarm company is calling both Sarah and me. After all the mayhem, everyone finally leaves and Sarah and I retreat to the bed. It is like Deja Vu, adrenaline pumping and sleep not in the forecast. We finally calm down a little and what do you know...the alarm keypad beeps again, and again, and again...The battery is dead. I am so tired of the alarm at this time that I unhook and unarm everything. The robbers are free to come in if they want. We finally get back in bed at 1:45 and try to sleep, but end up watching Talk Soup all night. What a terrible two nights. Hopefully tonight is the night that I get my much needed 8 hours. Gunshots and Robbers...please stay away!!!!!!!!

Who's Next, ehr...Who is Not Next.

Unfortunately, I am unable to speak about the voluntary/forced resignation of Tubs because I think he was the best and most consistent thing that we have had in Auburn Athletics behind our phenomenal swim teams. I am forced, or maybe voluntarily, depends on whose viewpoint you take, to look ahead at the impending coaching search. I don't want to speculate on who I would like to see next because my candidates are never the ones that AU wants. So I will give you my top 3 candidates that I hope are NOT next.

1. Houston Nutt - Although I think he is the most similar to Tuberville, and would do a great job at Auburn, we, or better yet I, can't afford for us to "five finger" another coach from Ole Miss. Yes, I am being selfish with this candidate because this would mean social suicide for me, Sarah, and Wrigley. Living in Memphis, we are in the middle of you guessed it...Rebel Country. Being an Auburn Alum, football season is tough here b/c I get dirty comments/looks from Rebel fans when I tell them where I went to school. I can't imagine if we took another coach that has turned the Rebel program around. Obviously crime is up in Memphis, but I could see it rising more if Nutt left Ole Miss for the Plains. Houston...for my families sake...please stay put.

2. Mike Leach - This guy is just too much of a character for AU. I can see this guy changing our Warrrrrrrrrr Eagle...Hey! chant on kickoffs to AAAAHHHRRR MATE...AAAAHHHHRRR! Too Piratey for me. Plus this guy gives out dating advice, and while that might work for the coeds in "nothing to do" Lubbock, I don't think it is reciprocal on the Plains. He relayed this dating advice to a Texas Tech student: Take her to a casual restaurant, a place with no salad, a drive in movie, coffee shops with bizarre characters, and finally trading computer schemes. Let me pick this apart and explain why it wouldn't work in Auburn. Casual Restaurant...you have to make a good first impression, and casual doesn't cut it. You've got to blow her away on the first date with a nice restaurant so that you can lure her in. It's kind of like fishing, you don't throw some crappy lure in the water and expect to catch the biggest fish in the lake. You throw the best chartreuse lure in the water and land the Best fish in the lake. Place with No Salad...He says you have to do this b/c you want to make sure that you are able to see her eat on the first date. I strongly disagree. Salads are essential for first dates b/c you want to see if the girl is healthy, and also if she orders this, then you know she is not a Gold Digger. Drive-in Movie...I think the nearest one might be ATL and that is way too much car time for a first date. Just think how stale the conversation would be by the time you hit Valley, AL. Coffee Shops w/ Bizarre Characters...If there was one thing that AU lacked, it was bizarre characters. The only one I knew was Doug Wong or better known as "Oriental Thunder" or "OT2". Besides this entertainment legend in his speedo, there wasn't much in the category of bizarre characters. Lastly, Computer Schemes...The only thing that AU girls use a computer for is Facebook, email, and assignments. I never met a friend that was a girl through a computer scheme. If I am getting his drift, a conversation would look much like this <84.lrndowne> <27dmn3huigso>. I am going to leave that lingo to the kiddos at MIT. On dating advice alone...this guy will not work at Auburn.

3. Bobby Petrino - The mention of this guy's name for the position just confirms to me that the "Jays" at Auburn are idiotic. Here is Petrino's journey since 1987...Weber State, Idaho, Az. State, Nevada, Utah St., Louisville, Auburn, Louisville, Falcons, Arkansas. That is 10 teams in 21 years. An average of 2.1 yrs. at each school. Not to mention the way he left the Falcons for Ark. If history proves itself, we need to hire this guy if we plan on finding another coach for the 2011 season. Right now, the best teams in the NCAA are teams with consistent coaches and Petrino's name falls in the list of antonyms for this word. I must say it will be hard to stomach if we hire this guy, and I haven't even gone off about "JetGate '03".

Just my thoughts on the open position. Other opinions are welcome.

News Flash: Working Days... Blog Avoids Top 11 Lamest Blogs

http://tech.msn.com/products/slideshow.aspx?cp-documentid=13523062&GT1=40000



"Working Days..." has avoided a spot on the Top 11 Lamest Blogs list, as published by msn.com. With the absence of "Working Days...", it marks a three year streak that left President and CEO Gray Fiser extremely pleased. Fiser stated, "Today marks the third straight year that Working Days... has escaped this infamous list, and I am proud of the exceptional work that has been put into the publication to keep it off the list." "We look forward to continuing this streak in the years to come." Others, such as Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian were not so lucky in this year's rankings. Hilton has found herself on the list for consecutive years, and Kardashian makes her initial appearance on the list. Top 11 Lamest Blogs Expert Teddy Sheffield had this to say, "Hilton was guaranteed a spot in this year's rankings due to her lame political ads during the President's race, and her lack of purpose in society." "Kardashian was a surprise this year with her rising popularity and romantic relationship with Saints superstar Reggie Bush. She would have avoided the list, but the computer rankings outweighed the human polls and she has found herself on the list." Many feel that the Kardashian Blog will stir up controversy on whether the computer rankings are valid in the court of public opinion. Expect an appeal to be filed later this week. Rounding out the list were some other blogs that are just too lame to even write their names down.

Jobs/Economy Etc.

Recession, Bailout, Layoffs...These words have been flowing like champagne on the AIG "Spagate" trip. Is there an end in sight? Who knows, so grab your cash hide it under your mattress and lock the doors b/c you never know if your job will be there tomorrow. And in the spirit of Thanksgiving...Sarah and I are thankful to be employed. You know it is bad when CNN puts an article from Career Builder on it's website with the 25 Best Cities to Find a Job In. Being curious as usual, I decided to take a gander and browse over the article. I figured that there would be some fairly cool places out there...well if North Dakota, South Dakota or Montana is high on your list then this article is for you. http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/worklife/11/24/cb.best.cities.find.jobs/index.html?iref=hpmostpop





Here are the top five on the list and what it would take for me to take a position in these cities versus being unemployed.





Top Five:


1. Sioux Falls, SD - Quaintly nestled near the Minnesota, Iowa, Nebraska borders, this town from google maps looks like it is in the middle of America's quilt. Perks of this city include the balmy 25 degree average high in January, and the 93rd Angriest City in America according to Men's Journal. I would say that it would take $400K, plus private flights back to Memphis on the weekend, and my mortgage paid for me to take a job here. No wonder they top the list of best place to find a job. Chance of moving...2.3%


2. Rapid City, SD - What Sioux Falls is to eastern South Dakota, Rapid City is to western South Dakota. This city has a little more appeal since it is near the border of Wyoming and Wyoming has cowboys and mountains. I would say $90K would do, with a corporate apartment, and weekend pheasant hunts would get me there. Chance of moving...3.57%


3. Idaho Falls, ID - Located in the SE corner of Idaho, this town has more appeal than just potatoes and the Snake River. Because of it's close proximity to Yellowstone National Park and Jackson Hole, I would take $75K, a new fly fishing rod, and snow skis. I wouldn't even require that my housing be paid. Chance of moving...19.8%


4. Bismarck, ND - Ummm...seeing that a drive to the Canadian border is closer than the drive to the next big city...I would say 7 figures, and a corporate jet with my own pilot would do the trick. I'll weigh in the fact that it is the capital of the state and Neil Behrend, a nationally known reproductive specialist, is from there...still though. Chance of moving... .00065%


5. Houma, LA - Proximity to home...excellent. Not too far from New Orleans...might be commutable. Located on the inter coastal waterway. Good fishing...I would take $90K, one of those swamp boats and an alligator gun. Chance of moving...6.8%.








Just my thoughts for the day. Enjoy and let me know what city you would most likely move to.

Gray's Five Holiday Predictions

It's that time of the year again. The Holidays! We love it and we hate it all at the same time. So in the spirit of long lines, holiday tradition, and Christmas Cheer, here are my 5 Holiday predictions:

1. Football - What would the Holiday season be without it? Just think if you woke up on Thanksgiving day and the Cowboys weren't slated to play? What if there were no bowl games during the Holidays. I'm not even going to think about it b/c it is bad for my mental health. So here comes the football prediction from the BCS. Oklahoma will be playing in the title game versus Florida. Unfortunately for Texas, who beat OU head to head at a neutral field, they will be left out. Fortunately, I will not have to be watching Bama play in the title game. Reason they are the ones to get there...Bob Stoops is sleeping with the BCS and the BCS wants to cheat on Bob Stoops with Urban Meyer. UF wins big and proves once again that the SEC is the real deal.

2. Baby - One of our friends will have a press release to announce that they are pregnant...by the way...i never got the whole "they are pregnant" statement. I have yet to see a man pregnant with a baby. Someone please explain...

3. Wedding - Along the lines of baby news will come wedding news. One couple that Sarah and I have known for more than 1.5 years will announce that they will be heading to the chapel.

4. Snow - I will experience my first ever White Christmas in Denver. I have never had one of these. I have had rainy Christmas, hot Christmas, and even foggy Christmas, but never White Christmas

5. Terrible Gift - I will win the "Terrible Gift" award this year. I have avoided this for several years now and I am due for the gift that belongs in this category with genuine leather cheetah figurine, dog door stop that has red ears, and Disney snow globe that was given to a 17 year old.

Oh the Holidays! It's when we get to put the "fun" in dysfunctional!

Brief Break in Blogging

It has been a bit since I have made an entry and I apologize. I had asked Wrigley to fill in for me in my absence, but apparently it is tough to submit a blog without an opposable thumb. At least we know he tried...