Facebook, Fiser Reach a Deal

After a four year holdout, Facebook and Gray Fiser have reached an agreement on a two year deal reportedly worth forty eight Pesos. The news was broken yesterday at a press conference at Raiford's in Memphis, TN. Fiser, flanked by his wife Sarah and agent Scott Boras, seemed pleased with the deal that was reached with Facebook founder and CEO Mark Zuckerberg. "It's been a long strange trip negotiating this deal" said Fiser who was visibly fatigued as he took a sip of his 40 oz Bud Light in the smoky room. "This deal has taken a toll not only on me, but my lovely wife, Sarah. In the past six months, we really got down to the grind on negotiating this deal. Thanks to Scott, we reached an agreement that everyone seems pleased with." Boras, fresh off monster deals with Alex Rodriguez and Manny Ramirez in Major League Baseball, stated, "This negotiation is one of the toughest I have ever had in my career. The A-Rod and Manny deals didn't even come close to this." Boras seemed to be celebrating this deal more than usual with a cigar in his mouth and glass of scotch on the table as he belted, "We really pushed for the three extra Pesos to get to forty eight over two years. In return, Gray has promised that he will be committed to Facebook, and will give his undivided attention to the organization during working hours." Sarah, Fiser's wife, said, "There have been a lot of sleepless nights at our household. We felt that if we could get to the forty eight plateau we could make this work. I feel as if a massive weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I think Gray has gotten what he is worth to this organization." Gleefully, Sarah shouted at Raiford's Hollywood Disco owner Robert Raiford, "Crank up those tunes! Let's get this party started!" as Bud forties were broken out from the back and bottles of Andre Spumante were being passed around like water from a fire hydrant to the four guest in attendance. As the party cranked up, the news traveled like wildfire throughout the southeast. A news reporter from the Birmingham News caught up with Craig "Nitro" Hey and asked what his reaction was. Nitro stated, "this has been a long drawn out process. I knew that he was going to hold out for more money, and was confident that he would get the three extra Pesos to get him over the hump. I look forward to receiving that invitation to be his 'Friend' online." Others that received the news had mixed feelings about the long and tedious negotiation. The Atlanta Journal Constitution caught up with William "Calvin" Gaither and Stephen "The Great White Hype" Woodham, both longtime friends with Fiser outside of Facebook. "We know that three Pesos is a lot of money, but we still can't understand why this had to last four years. We felt that an agreement should have been met two years ago at forty five pesos and a performance bonus in the amount of three Pesos to be paid at the end of the deal if he met certain goals." stated Calvin and The Great White Hype. Nevertheless, Calvin and The Great White Hype were excited to be "Poked" by their newly acquired online friend. Representatives from Facebook could not be reached to comment on this news. Allegedly, a news conference is scheduled for Tuesday with Zuckerberg, but experts on this feel that this will not happen due to Zuckerberg's upcoming budget hearings with his executive team. Wall Street is reporting that Facebook has taken a big hit by paying out three extra Pesos, but is confident that the company will recover.

"The Exclamation Email!"... "Urgent or Ridiculous?!?" (Part 2)

Well it was only a matter of time before I followed up on this post. I received this email this morning with non other than an "!" on it. Enjoy...

"!"

Cathy,

Our Safety Manager happened to see the vacuum cleaner that is being stored and used by the cleaning crew and has instructed it should be removed from the building, it does not meet OSHA Standards. It is definitely a Safety HAZARD for the building and the person using it. The plug-in has been rigged on, it has about four other cords spliced onto the original for length and is wrapped in black electrical tape.

Jorts

I don't believe I will ever wear any other swimsuit. This one was just too comfortable. Not to mention my phenomenal camo rag on my head. Long live Lake Martin!!!

Olympics...They Got Me Again!

What is it about the Olympics that alters my habitual life patterns? I am the type that is reading more of the back of my eyelids than the Sports Illustrated magazine in front of me at 9:30 PM. I rival "The Count" on Sesame Street with the number of sheep I have counted by 10:00PM, but for some reason the Olympics revives my energy every night. Never in my 26 years did I dream that men in Speedos, Synchronized Diving and the Uneven Bars would stimulate my brain like taking an Excederin Migraine (with caffiene) and a triple shot of espresso at the same time. Over the past four days my daily routines have been dominated by the Olympic schedule. I have consistently woken up at 6:00 AM to workout, so I don't have to do it after work. When I get home from work, I have already scoured the menus on the internet of local restaurants and made my selection for take out. An order is placed right at 6:15 in order to get my dinner by 6:35, so I can make it back to the house with time to spare for the 7:00 PM coverage. Then there is the Olympic theme song on NBC, followed by Bob Costas' voice that gives me a little tingle throughout my body like I am actually swimming for the Gold that night. NBC always catches you in the beginning with this line, "Welcome to the coverage of tonight's Olympic events. You will be seeing May/Treanor in Beach Volleyball, Women's all-around in Gymnastics, but first let's rush you out to Rowdy Gaines and crew who are at the cube where Michael Phelps is lining up to swim the 200 fly to keep his 8 Gold medal hopes alive." Then NBC will send you out to "the Cube", and you quickly find out it is the semifinal of the 200 fly. That's where they get me. They have hooked me b/c how I am I going to watch the semifinals and not the finals that are at 11:30 PM? Then there are these time filler stories in between that are narrated by the likes of Morgan Freeman or Tom Brokaw. These stories are exactly like the VH1 "Behind the Music" series. You have this athlete that broke in on the Olympic scene at the early age of 14 in Sydney and they won a Silver and Bronze, but then they had a battle with performance enhancing drugs, a break up with a lover, and worst of all the contemplation of quitting the sport. The 2004 Athens Olympics were a disaster as they failed to qualify for the finals in any event, and the athlete sinks further into depression. Suddenly, a newly acquired coach from China arrives in 2005 to revive the career of this athlete. Then they go into the revival period and how the new coach changed the workouts and added yoga workouts to get their "Chee" right. Finally, they add the dramatic clips of Sydney then Athens, then the prelims in Beijing. Boom...story done and we are off to the pool. At this point I am so siked about the event, and my wife has tears coming down her face. Again...they Got Me! During 2008 my average bedtime during the Olympics has been 11:30 PM. This is an hour later than my world record average of 10:30 PM. I don't know, I guess I have to attribute it to the same LZR Racer suit that keeps me glued to the tube.

Anyone out there feeling the flame of the Olympics like I am?