Wow! what a past 4 days it has been. I feel as if I have gotten a glimpse of what Hell is like. As many of you know, Sarah and I decided to take the plunge and buy a house. So we purchased this lovely 3 bedroom 2 bathroom house that has a lot of charm, great back porch, stunning master bath, quaint bonus room, and ROACHES! If you know me, roaches are a close 3rd on my list of things i hate behind University of Alabama and Snakes. Well we decide to move in on Saturday, and I think that Satan decided to leave the Hell door open in Memphis just for us. After 4 blistering hours in the heat, pitting out 3 shirts, and drinking 14 bottles of
dasani water without urinating, we finished. Little did we know the "fun monster" hadn't attacked yet. So genius me, we decided to get the house painted before moving in. Of course, the painters didn't finish and we had to stack all our crap in the middle of each room. It looked like our stuff had been corralled like cattle in the middle of the room. Next, we decide to move the fridge into it's spot, but
apparently the old fridge didn't want to leave his spot, so we decided to keep the new fridge plugged in the wall in the living room until Mr. Old Fridge wanted to leave. At this point, i am thinking..."it is as hot in this house as it is outside in
Hades", so i go check the thermostat and the needle is past the 90 degree mark in that white area that has no numbers. I'm guessing it was 103 degrees from my estimation. At this point we decide to head to Starbucks to get some iced coffees so we don't die of a heat stroke. this was probably the best part of the day. After some unloading and a couple of hours of more sweating, we finally go eat dinner. After this, my parents and Anna head back to Jackson, and wish us the best of luck. Sarah and I had enough by then and went and rented
Definitely Maybe, which helped sooth my soul as we watched it in the sauna of a bedroom. if you can imagine, we have 3 big huge fans running in our room, watching a movie on a mini
tv, and laying on the bed in 103 degree heat. Needless to say, their was no cuddling going on that night. So after a night of tossing and turning and sweating through the sheets, we get up and start day 2 of the blissful thing they call Home Ownership. i had enough of the inside and headed out and did yard work all day. It was actually cooler out there too. After we had done some miscellaneous things all day, we got hungry, but wanted to watch the ESPY awards. there was only one problem...the cable was not on at our new house and we had to go to the old house. so off to Pei Wei we go. We pick up some General
Tso's and Egg Rolls, yes Maggie those things you should have had at your wedding reception, and head over to the old house. It was the closest i have felt to being in a frat house since being out of college. We sat on yard chairs in the bedroom, eating take out, and watching the
ESPY's on our 8" TV. This has
definitely been the highlight of the past 4 days. Just when I think it is getting better, we decide it is time to go back to Hell to go sleep. So we walk in the house and head to the bedroom to prepare for another steamy night's sleep, and i don't mean "steamy" in the intimate way. On our approach to the bedroom we discover ROACHES in the house. Again, let me remind you that Roaches are #3 on my most hated list, behind
UofA and snakes. I
immediately go and get the Raid can and start spraying. I use 3/4's of the can spraying around the house. I feel this was an adequate amount. Before going to bed, i complain to Sarah about how bad i hate roaches. She tells me not to worry about it and let's just shut the bedroom door and create an invisible Raid fence around our room. Finally, we get to bed and i begin a long night's sweat, and dream about Roaches. So after sleeping for 4-5 hours, i start to get comfortable and the thermostat is registering back in the printed numbers, not the white section past 90 degrees, my dream slowly turns to how
sarah and i are living out the American dream of having a house with a white picket fence and big thanksgiving dinners on the the table every night. Then it happens...I feel a tickle on my foot. I wake thinking it is Sarah, but it is not. I sit up and push the covers over and think i see something dart under the pillow. At this moment I am hoping that i am still dreaming. I then proceed to pick up the pillow and it is a freaking ROACH. I jump out of bed faster than Tyson Gay can run the 100 meters and start beating the bed with the pillow. Sarah wakes up and screams "GRAY!!! STOP IT. WAKE UP, WAKE UP. QUIT DREAMING!!!!!!!!" I exclaim to her, "NO!!! IT'S A ROACH! I TOLD YOU SO!!!!" I proceed to knock the roach out like Mike Tyson and then sit and rest so i don't have a heart attack. It is now 5 AM and i decide enough is enough and head to the shower and put on my clothes and go to work to cut my losses. I program the Cook's Pest Control number in my phone and call them every minute until they finally open up at 8 AM. I meet with the guy yesterday and i tell him that i want enough chemicals in and out of my house to kill a small dog. Needless to say, we will not be sleeping in the house again until next week after the spray has been applied. Meanwhile, i know you are worried about our air conditioner, i think i got it covered. all it needed was a little Duct Tape. You know what they say if you can't duct it... I'll let you finish it. Please if you have any new home stories, pass them along...We need the humor.
Posts
