Facebook, Fiser Reach a Deal

After a four year holdout, Facebook and Gray Fiser have reached an agreement on a two year deal reportedly worth forty eight Pesos. The news was broken yesterday at a press conference at Raiford's in Memphis, TN. Fiser, flanked by his wife Sarah and agent Scott Boras, seemed pleased with the deal that was reached with Facebook founder and CEO Mark Zuckerberg. "It's been a long strange trip negotiating this deal" said Fiser who was visibly fatigued as he took a sip of his 40 oz Bud Light in the smoky room. "This deal has taken a toll not only on me, but my lovely wife, Sarah. In the past six months, we really got down to the grind on negotiating this deal. Thanks to Scott, we reached an agreement that everyone seems pleased with." Boras, fresh off monster deals with Alex Rodriguez and Manny Ramirez in Major League Baseball, stated, "This negotiation is one of the toughest I have ever had in my career. The A-Rod and Manny deals didn't even come close to this." Boras seemed to be celebrating this deal more than usual with a cigar in his mouth and glass of scotch on the table as he belted, "We really pushed for the three extra Pesos to get to forty eight over two years. In return, Gray has promised that he will be committed to Facebook, and will give his undivided attention to the organization during working hours." Sarah, Fiser's wife, said, "There have been a lot of sleepless nights at our household. We felt that if we could get to the forty eight plateau we could make this work. I feel as if a massive weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I think Gray has gotten what he is worth to this organization." Gleefully, Sarah shouted at Raiford's Hollywood Disco owner Robert Raiford, "Crank up those tunes! Let's get this party started!" as Bud forties were broken out from the back and bottles of Andre Spumante were being passed around like water from a fire hydrant to the four guest in attendance. As the party cranked up, the news traveled like wildfire throughout the southeast. A news reporter from the Birmingham News caught up with Craig "Nitro" Hey and asked what his reaction was. Nitro stated, "this has been a long drawn out process. I knew that he was going to hold out for more money, and was confident that he would get the three extra Pesos to get him over the hump. I look forward to receiving that invitation to be his 'Friend' online." Others that received the news had mixed feelings about the long and tedious negotiation. The Atlanta Journal Constitution caught up with William "Calvin" Gaither and Stephen "The Great White Hype" Woodham, both longtime friends with Fiser outside of Facebook. "We know that three Pesos is a lot of money, but we still can't understand why this had to last four years. We felt that an agreement should have been met two years ago at forty five pesos and a performance bonus in the amount of three Pesos to be paid at the end of the deal if he met certain goals." stated Calvin and The Great White Hype. Nevertheless, Calvin and The Great White Hype were excited to be "Poked" by their newly acquired online friend. Representatives from Facebook could not be reached to comment on this news. Allegedly, a news conference is scheduled for Tuesday with Zuckerberg, but experts on this feel that this will not happen due to Zuckerberg's upcoming budget hearings with his executive team. Wall Street is reporting that Facebook has taken a big hit by paying out three extra Pesos, but is confident that the company will recover.