Spin Class

Last night I had the ride of my life... Recently, Sarah and I joined a new gym in the neighborhood. I joined because of proximity to the house ( in other words...nothing to do with exercising), and Sarah joined because she wanted to be able to do more "Classes" (everything to do with exercising). Well, as of late, Sarah has been a class machine with our friend Margaret. Every time I am coming home from work, I get a phone call from Sarah saying, "Margaret and I are going to yoga class, or body pump class, or sculpting class, or boxing class, or jazzercise." Soon they will be looking like the women in the background of that show "Body by Jake" that used to come on Saturday mornings on ESPN. After a little coaxing by Sarah and Margaret, I decided to test one of these classes out. I decided on Spin Class b/c it sounded as if this one would have the most male attendance, and to be real honest, I don't think I could survive the rigors of jazzercise or kickboxing (I've seen how much Billy Blanks sweats in those infomercials). We arrive at the gym for the class and I am getting pumped about this class b/c I feel that I am going to knock it out of the park. For those who haven't been to spin class, it involves a dark room, loud music, a bike, and a scantily clad instructor... Get the idea now...good! Our class was attended by about 10 people, 8 of which were of the female variety, therefore my selection of a manly class was now dismissed. I tell myself, "oh well, press on." So I select a bike next to Sarah and Margaret and our instructor (let's call her Misty) shows up in her biking shorts, sports bra, and belly ring. I take a look at her and think to myself..."she might want to wear a little more clothing b/c she doesn't exactly have the chiseled body for that attire." This only gives me more confidence that this class should be cake. After adjusting my bike to maximum speed specifications, the music begins and we take off. It was a nice little song that got our blood pumping as we warmed up. After we were nice and warm, Misty screams, "Let's go!" as Britney rages in the background, so we start pedaling hard. Here is where the night gets good. I look up and Misty is pedaling so fast that a doped up Floyd Landis would be jealous. She had to be going at 190 RPMs (80 RPMs is about what the pros do at The Tour de France). After witnessing her blazing speed, I step it up and start going hard. Mind you, we are 5 minutes into this class and I am already starting to pant like a grown husky dog in the Mississippi summer. Meanwhile, Misty is explaining to us that we need to, "think about our fitness goals for the year." The only goals I am thinking about are 1. don't pass out and 2. make it through the whole class. After the first couple of songs, I look as if I just went for a nice steam in the steam room, and Misty yells out, "Crank the resistance up to an 8.5 and Let's hit the mountains!" I knew it was coming, but not this early, so I sandbag it a little bit and put my resistance at about a 6. We go at this pass for a bit and right about the time my heart rate is recovering, Misty tells us to crank it up to a 9. So in my sandbagging ways, I go up to about a 7.5. It doesn't take long to feel heat of the burn in my legs to start. Gasping for oxygen like an Everest climber I dig deep, and complete the mountain song. Misty tells us to hit the flat stage after this, and she goes into her doped up Floyd Landis form again. I check my watch and see that we have been in there for 27 minutes at the time and feel a little relief that the class is almost over. So I crank out the cadence like Misty thinking I am Lance Armstrong. I am blowing by the competition in my mind, soon to be drinking champagne as I enter the streets of Paris. Right at 30 minutes, I hear Misty getting on the microphone again and she says, "Let's hit those mountains again!" What?!? I thought this was a 30 minute class, so I look at Sarah and I ask her how long the class was. She tells me it is an hour, and every four letter word comes to my head. As the next 30 minutes transpired, three words describe my experience, Sweaty, Panting, and Burning. At the end of the class, Misty tells us good job and she looks like she just went for a stroll around the park. I on the other hand look like I was forced to do jumping jacks in the Sahara Desert with bricks on my shoes. I walk out bow legged like I had been riding a horse for two days and struggle to make it up the stairs. I get in the car and tell Sarah that is the hardest I have worked out since high school soccer practice. Luckily I make a phone call to a friend and we decide that the best thing to do to recover is to go eat some buffalo wings. So much for the workout...those 12 wings were the best thing I have put in my mouth in a while. Needless to say, I woke up this morning with indigestion and unable to walk. Overall, I would call last night a success on both the workout and eating fronts! Any of you out there do these class things? If so, please share.

Snuggie Rights Movement

It has happened again. Unfortunately I was already on my way to work before Snuggie Nation crashed in on the Today Show, but thankfully the internet saved me again. With the rising nation of Snuggie followers increasing everyday, it's inevitable that we will soon be witnessing a Snuggie Rights Movement through our nation. I was able to catch up with Cow Lick the spokesman for Snuggie Nation this morning and he had this to say about the movement, "There has been a dramatic rise in the Snuggie population in the past months. We expect our enrollment to continue throughout the winter months, and beyond. We (Snuggie Nation) are going to fight to get the Snuggie to have equal attire rights in the corporate world. In order to further our agenda, we are going to Washington to march on the Mall and hear from Snuggie activist around the nation. We hope to inspire Hope and Change for all dress codes across this nation." Fortunately, President Obama still has his inauguration platform standing creating a perfect setting for the Snuggie Rights Movement. Preparation for the march will begin on Monday in our Nation's capital. For information on how to buy tickets to the march, you can visit www.snuggierightsmovement.com or call 1-900-Snugglicious.