Popcorn Button

There are many things in life that really baffle me. For instance, how a computer works, why the ladies that smoke at my building use the window outside my office as a mirror and pick their wedgies as if I can't see them, or why there is a button on the microwave that says "Popcorn". I'm sure if I researched and questioned the first two items, I could eventually move these items into my "learned items" folder in my brain, but I will never understand the "Popcorn" button on the microwave. You might be asking yourself, "why is he bringing up the popcorn button on the microwave?" Well last Friday, after a long week with our Sr. VP in town, I settled back into my half walled (my walls don't go to the ceiling, therefore I don't know if this can be classified as an office, but we will use that term) office for a little peace and quiet before I tackled my "to do" list that grew exponentially over the week. Just at the time I got comfortable in my ergonomic chair and pull up espn.com, I get a phone call from Brian saying that he wanted me to go pick up his tickets for the Lil' Wayne concert upstairs. I obliged and headed out the door to the elevators. I entered one of the elevators and pushed the button to go up and nothing happened. I think to myself, "oh well this one is just not working", and head to another. I enter that cab and press another button and it doesn't work, then an odor seeps into my nasal cavity and it is clear what is going on. BURNED POPCORN! Being a Property Manager for almost three years, I know what four open elevators on the first floor means. I would like to think it means the elevators are so friendly and inviting that they give you your choice of which elevator to ride, but that is far from reality. It means there is a fire alarm going off somewhere in this monstrous 21 floor building. I won't get into the procedures, but fire alarms are the last thing you want to deal with on a Friday afternoon. I immediately take my post at the door and start shooing people out of the building, and field phone calls of people asking if it is a real fire. BTW if the fire alarm goes off in your building and no one came over the intercom beforehand to tell you it was a test then please DO NOT call and start scurrying those feet down the stairs! On a further side note a lady called and said, "do we have to evacuate? the Fireman up here said we did." Honestly, I don't think this even warrants commentary on the Working Days... Blog. Alright back to my point, fire alarm is going off, people are evacuating (minus lady in previous sentence), and about 40 firefighters with axes are checking out the problem. It didn't take long for the fire chief to come downstairs and inform me that we have the "All Clear" and confirmed my nasal instincts that it was indeed BURNED POPCORN. When I hear this, I start my investigation on the perpetrator that decided popcorn with a little "Flare" would be a good Friday afternoon snack. After questioning some witnesses whose names will remain confidential due to the sensitive nature of this issue, I find out that the lady used...you guessed it, the "POPCORN BUTTON". It would be a lie if I told you that I have never used the button, but I learned my lesson after the 3rd time I used the it. I always was a slow lerner. Let's just say that the consistency of burning my popcorn using the "Popcorn" button rivals Barack Obama's use of the word "stimulus" in his public speeches. I know it has been a long journey to establish credibility to this question, but it was needed to ask, "Why is there a "Popcorn" button on the microwave when it always burns the popcorn?" Did Orville Redenbacher sit in front of a congressional hearing committee for the "Popcorn" button and testify under oath that the standard "Popcorn" button time should be 17:00 minutes on High to "puff" his companies profits? I don't think I will ever understand the people who decided on the "standard" timing of the "Popcorn" button. The unfortunate thing for all of us that have learned our lesson about the "Popcorn" button is that microwave makers have now added features such as, "Frozen Vegetable" button, "Pizza" button, and even an auto sensing "Chicken" button...that sounds a bit explosive to me. Well if you have any insight on this, please pass along. Meanwhile, I am going to go ask this woman (got to be pushing 208 lbs.) why she thinks that I can't see her making garment adjustments in the reflection of my window.