It Has To Stop!

That's right...It has to stop! And "It" means "Belly Progression" pictures on Facebook. For those of you who are unaware, it is the chronological captioning of the progression of a pregnant women's belly. Now I know most are giddy about having children, but do you really want to show off your belly to the free world? Worse is that some of these "Belly Progression" pictures are taken without any garmets over the belly. I mean the last thing I think when I see a bare pregnant belly is "sexy". I am going to keep this post short and sweet b/c I do know how emotional women can be while carrying a pea in the pod, and I prefer to see my next birthday. If you have thoughts or comments on this please post. Until next time...Stop the Progressive Pics!

Popcorn Button

There are many things in life that really baffle me. For instance, how a computer works, why the ladies that smoke at my building use the window outside my office as a mirror and pick their wedgies as if I can't see them, or why there is a button on the microwave that says "Popcorn". I'm sure if I researched and questioned the first two items, I could eventually move these items into my "learned items" folder in my brain, but I will never understand the "Popcorn" button on the microwave. You might be asking yourself, "why is he bringing up the popcorn button on the microwave?" Well last Friday, after a long week with our Sr. VP in town, I settled back into my half walled (my walls don't go to the ceiling, therefore I don't know if this can be classified as an office, but we will use that term) office for a little peace and quiet before I tackled my "to do" list that grew exponentially over the week. Just at the time I got comfortable in my ergonomic chair and pull up espn.com, I get a phone call from Brian saying that he wanted me to go pick up his tickets for the Lil' Wayne concert upstairs. I obliged and headed out the door to the elevators. I entered one of the elevators and pushed the button to go up and nothing happened. I think to myself, "oh well this one is just not working", and head to another. I enter that cab and press another button and it doesn't work, then an odor seeps into my nasal cavity and it is clear what is going on. BURNED POPCORN! Being a Property Manager for almost three years, I know what four open elevators on the first floor means. I would like to think it means the elevators are so friendly and inviting that they give you your choice of which elevator to ride, but that is far from reality. It means there is a fire alarm going off somewhere in this monstrous 21 floor building. I won't get into the procedures, but fire alarms are the last thing you want to deal with on a Friday afternoon. I immediately take my post at the door and start shooing people out of the building, and field phone calls of people asking if it is a real fire. BTW if the fire alarm goes off in your building and no one came over the intercom beforehand to tell you it was a test then please DO NOT call and start scurrying those feet down the stairs! On a further side note a lady called and said, "do we have to evacuate? the Fireman up here said we did." Honestly, I don't think this even warrants commentary on the Working Days... Blog. Alright back to my point, fire alarm is going off, people are evacuating (minus lady in previous sentence), and about 40 firefighters with axes are checking out the problem. It didn't take long for the fire chief to come downstairs and inform me that we have the "All Clear" and confirmed my nasal instincts that it was indeed BURNED POPCORN. When I hear this, I start my investigation on the perpetrator that decided popcorn with a little "Flare" would be a good Friday afternoon snack. After questioning some witnesses whose names will remain confidential due to the sensitive nature of this issue, I find out that the lady used...you guessed it, the "POPCORN BUTTON". It would be a lie if I told you that I have never used the button, but I learned my lesson after the 3rd time I used the it. I always was a slow lerner. Let's just say that the consistency of burning my popcorn using the "Popcorn" button rivals Barack Obama's use of the word "stimulus" in his public speeches. I know it has been a long journey to establish credibility to this question, but it was needed to ask, "Why is there a "Popcorn" button on the microwave when it always burns the popcorn?" Did Orville Redenbacher sit in front of a congressional hearing committee for the "Popcorn" button and testify under oath that the standard "Popcorn" button time should be 17:00 minutes on High to "puff" his companies profits? I don't think I will ever understand the people who decided on the "standard" timing of the "Popcorn" button. The unfortunate thing for all of us that have learned our lesson about the "Popcorn" button is that microwave makers have now added features such as, "Frozen Vegetable" button, "Pizza" button, and even an auto sensing "Chicken" button...that sounds a bit explosive to me. Well if you have any insight on this, please pass along. Meanwhile, I am going to go ask this woman (got to be pushing 208 lbs.) why she thinks that I can't see her making garment adjustments in the reflection of my window.

Spin Class

Last night I had the ride of my life... Recently, Sarah and I joined a new gym in the neighborhood. I joined because of proximity to the house ( in other words...nothing to do with exercising), and Sarah joined because she wanted to be able to do more "Classes" (everything to do with exercising). Well, as of late, Sarah has been a class machine with our friend Margaret. Every time I am coming home from work, I get a phone call from Sarah saying, "Margaret and I are going to yoga class, or body pump class, or sculpting class, or boxing class, or jazzercise." Soon they will be looking like the women in the background of that show "Body by Jake" that used to come on Saturday mornings on ESPN. After a little coaxing by Sarah and Margaret, I decided to test one of these classes out. I decided on Spin Class b/c it sounded as if this one would have the most male attendance, and to be real honest, I don't think I could survive the rigors of jazzercise or kickboxing (I've seen how much Billy Blanks sweats in those infomercials). We arrive at the gym for the class and I am getting pumped about this class b/c I feel that I am going to knock it out of the park. For those who haven't been to spin class, it involves a dark room, loud music, a bike, and a scantily clad instructor... Get the idea now...good! Our class was attended by about 10 people, 8 of which were of the female variety, therefore my selection of a manly class was now dismissed. I tell myself, "oh well, press on." So I select a bike next to Sarah and Margaret and our instructor (let's call her Misty) shows up in her biking shorts, sports bra, and belly ring. I take a look at her and think to myself..."she might want to wear a little more clothing b/c she doesn't exactly have the chiseled body for that attire." This only gives me more confidence that this class should be cake. After adjusting my bike to maximum speed specifications, the music begins and we take off. It was a nice little song that got our blood pumping as we warmed up. After we were nice and warm, Misty screams, "Let's go!" as Britney rages in the background, so we start pedaling hard. Here is where the night gets good. I look up and Misty is pedaling so fast that a doped up Floyd Landis would be jealous. She had to be going at 190 RPMs (80 RPMs is about what the pros do at The Tour de France). After witnessing her blazing speed, I step it up and start going hard. Mind you, we are 5 minutes into this class and I am already starting to pant like a grown husky dog in the Mississippi summer. Meanwhile, Misty is explaining to us that we need to, "think about our fitness goals for the year." The only goals I am thinking about are 1. don't pass out and 2. make it through the whole class. After the first couple of songs, I look as if I just went for a nice steam in the steam room, and Misty yells out, "Crank the resistance up to an 8.5 and Let's hit the mountains!" I knew it was coming, but not this early, so I sandbag it a little bit and put my resistance at about a 6. We go at this pass for a bit and right about the time my heart rate is recovering, Misty tells us to crank it up to a 9. So in my sandbagging ways, I go up to about a 7.5. It doesn't take long to feel heat of the burn in my legs to start. Gasping for oxygen like an Everest climber I dig deep, and complete the mountain song. Misty tells us to hit the flat stage after this, and she goes into her doped up Floyd Landis form again. I check my watch and see that we have been in there for 27 minutes at the time and feel a little relief that the class is almost over. So I crank out the cadence like Misty thinking I am Lance Armstrong. I am blowing by the competition in my mind, soon to be drinking champagne as I enter the streets of Paris. Right at 30 minutes, I hear Misty getting on the microphone again and she says, "Let's hit those mountains again!" What?!? I thought this was a 30 minute class, so I look at Sarah and I ask her how long the class was. She tells me it is an hour, and every four letter word comes to my head. As the next 30 minutes transpired, three words describe my experience, Sweaty, Panting, and Burning. At the end of the class, Misty tells us good job and she looks like she just went for a stroll around the park. I on the other hand look like I was forced to do jumping jacks in the Sahara Desert with bricks on my shoes. I walk out bow legged like I had been riding a horse for two days and struggle to make it up the stairs. I get in the car and tell Sarah that is the hardest I have worked out since high school soccer practice. Luckily I make a phone call to a friend and we decide that the best thing to do to recover is to go eat some buffalo wings. So much for the workout...those 12 wings were the best thing I have put in my mouth in a while. Needless to say, I woke up this morning with indigestion and unable to walk. Overall, I would call last night a success on both the workout and eating fronts! Any of you out there do these class things? If so, please share.

Snuggie Rights Movement

It has happened again. Unfortunately I was already on my way to work before Snuggie Nation crashed in on the Today Show, but thankfully the internet saved me again. With the rising nation of Snuggie followers increasing everyday, it's inevitable that we will soon be witnessing a Snuggie Rights Movement through our nation. I was able to catch up with Cow Lick the spokesman for Snuggie Nation this morning and he had this to say about the movement, "There has been a dramatic rise in the Snuggie population in the past months. We expect our enrollment to continue throughout the winter months, and beyond. We (Snuggie Nation) are going to fight to get the Snuggie to have equal attire rights in the corporate world. In order to further our agenda, we are going to Washington to march on the Mall and hear from Snuggie activist around the nation. We hope to inspire Hope and Change for all dress codes across this nation." Fortunately, President Obama still has his inauguration platform standing creating a perfect setting for the Snuggie Rights Movement. Preparation for the march will begin on Monday in our Nation's capital. For information on how to buy tickets to the march, you can visit www.snuggierightsmovement.com or call 1-900-Snugglicious.

Snuggie - It Just Won't Go Away

The Snuggie just won't leave me alone. I wake up and the commercial is on during SportsCenter. I see the ad while brushing my teeth and watching the Today Show. I can't open a website without a Snuggie pop up flashing in front of me. I talk about it during lunch with Brian today. Then I come back to the office and during my daily perusal of cyberspace I run across this feature on the Snuggie. This thing is everywhere! I would bet it is advertised more than the Super Bowl right now. According to the video over 4 million have been sold, and they are about to expand their line with a "Baby Snuggie." This thing is unbelievable! Well I have to ask the Working Days... nation if anyone has a Snuggie. If you do, please chime in and let me know your review on the product b/c I am dangerously close to buying one.

Life...According to My Pentax

With all the new phones, cameras, and posting options these days, I rarely bring out my Pentax Optio 4i, but when I do, it captures some excellent images. Here is what my life has looked like through my Pentax lens over the past couple of years. Some of the names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Date: 4thish of July 2006

This was taken shortly before we arrived at Dicky Wade's beach house in Gulf Shores, or somewhere down there. The Great White Hype and I were so excited about the 4th of July that we bought all kinds of fireworks including this MAD HORNET. As we pulled up to the condo with our arsenal that would have made the Army jealous, there were signs littering the roadside that said, "NO FIREWORKS". Needless to say it was bombs away, until some rent a cop almost captured us. For those of you wondering, we did blow up the Thumper.

Date: July 2006

Wrigley Field in July has become an annual summer ritual. There is a holy touch to this place. You know that song, "If Heaven ain't a lot like Dixie, then I don't want to go!" Well "If Heaven ain't a lot like Wrigley, then I don't want to go!"

Date: Thanksgiving 2006

This is a typical reaction at the Fiser household when asked to take a family pic. Little Sister has been crying b/c we told her that she had to change, Big Sister just refuses to change, and I am telling the camera what I think about family pictures. By the way, nice pink slippers Big Sister.

Date: October 2006

A wedding we attending on the Eastern Shore in Maryland. The wedding was much like the one on Wedding Crashers minus the senator. We were trying to get a nice couples picture until "dude" decided that he was going to ruin it. I think "dude's" name is Steve (he is not innocent). Here is a story to give you an idea of how coherent this fellow was: This was a quaint destination wedding with about 50 seated guest at the wedding, and 50ish guest that stood behind the seats.The fall breeze off of the Chesapeake Bay was tickling our noses as we watched the lovely couple engage in their vows. Dude was standing in the rear and upon the pronouncement of husband and wife, his first comment was "F-bomb Yea!" as tears of joy streamed down his face. Needless to say the whole crowd turned and looked at him in aww. Now you probably understand why "Dude" looks like "Dude".

Date: December 2006




My cousin and I look so intimidating. If I were a deer, I would hide too! These should have hidden a little better!








Date: January 2007




I didn't make a very good shot on this one! Hence the crater in his stomach. Sorry for those that have weak stomachs.

Date: December 2007

The Deer Hunting Santa came early.

Date: January 2009

Caught this one napping on the job Saturday. First Muzzeloader kill. If you look closely my smile is frozen on my face from my 4 wheeler ride to go get him.

Date: October 2007

I would like to think that this was mile 24 of the Chicago marathon, but I think it was more like mile 10. My Dad is running with me giving me the Prefontaine speech, but it isn't working very well, so he resorted to the Jimmy V speech "Never Give Up, Never Ever Give Up". I was mighty close.

Date: Winterish 2008

Two stunningly beautiful women. Christopher, I am sorry, but this is the only photo I had on my camera of you. Congrats on the engagement!

Date: April 2008

Maggie trying harmonize with Mick Jagger. Mick is telling his body guard to get her out of his face. Here is a sample of Mick's killer lyrical performance.

Jay ready to slay the drum lines. Maggie...still harmonizing in the background after repeated attempts to tell her that Mick and the Stones had the stage!
















Date: January 2008





Really not sure what ole Lew Dog is doing. It was on his bachelor party, so you can take a wild stab at this one.














Date: April 2008


Right before we got rowdy at Lew Dog's rehearsal dinner. I have to say I delivered the most stunning toast of my career at this dinner.











Date: April 2008


Not sure if Max Collinswood was hitting a high note or just had something bad to eat at Lew Dog's rehearsal dinner. Whatever it is, please step away from the wife.











Date: April 2008


Knocking out some mad riffs on the air guitar before my unbelievable solo!








Date: April 2008


Mick and his lady after making up over the harmony debacle.








Date: April 2008


Me and my beautiful bride.











Date: April 2008


Alex and our dates after eating some Krystal burgers with our shirts off.





Date: April 2008


Teddy Sheffield and Max Collinswood doing what we do best.This picture reminds me of that song by Mims, "This is why I'm hot". I know that is what comes to everyone else's mind too.




Date: April 2008
Teddy Sheffield banging out some chords on the air guitar (again), and celebrating future good times to be had by all.

Alert! New Post!

Get ready Working Days... Nation, New post arriving tomorrow with pictures! Here is a little teaser...

Site Tracker

In a nostalgic move, I decided to take a moment and check out the Working Days... archives and read some of the fan comments. After viewing two or three post, I realized that the Working Days... blog is about as recession proof as the economy. In an effort to better track the progress of this magnificent publication, I have installed a site tracker. This thing is like a heat seeking missile. If you read the blog and don't comment, it will come find you and destroy you. So I beggeth you not to become a victim of the "Site Tracker" because it will find you. Also, I have decided to put some people on the Endangered Commenters List. These once thriving commenters are near extinction and we wouldn't want their fate to be like the dinosaurs. If you are on the list, a comment within the next 30 days will provide me with sufficient evidence to remove you from the list. Here is the list and a few comments about the species:

1. Sarah Fiser - My wife for those who didn't put two and two together. Where you at honey? Reading without commenting is like marriage with no commitment.

2. Jordan "JoJo" Holt - The former JoJo Orso, now married to frequent commenter Alex Holt of the "That much further ham" blog has been missing since 2006. I know that marriage has taken a toll on the commenting, but if your hubby can do it...you can. I look forward to hearing from the woman who keeps Alex from eating Krystal at 4 AM with no shirt on.

3. David "Daryl Waltrip" Weems - Upon his completion of law school, this young JD has gone missing. Some tell me he is knee deep in contracts at his current law firm. While this poses a plausible excuse, one would argue that if he has time to sun by his pool then he has time to comment. Don't become extinct DW.

4. Clare Rush - The former Clare Smith, was an avid commenter in '06. It is believed that she has gone missing for many of the same reasons as Daryl Waltrip. I would hope that with a husband that has the competence to fly fighter jets, she would have the competence to comment. Time is running out, so please don't become extinct.

5. Bridgers Family - Besides my wife, this list is full of teachers and lawyers. One would think that school must be in session, or bankruptcies must be flowing at this time of year. This famous Bonnie and Clyde duo has been spotted, but only briefly in the past couple of years. It has been in places such as Winston Salem, Chicago, and Tuscaloosa. I don't believe this is sufficient to get them off the Endangered Commenter List. A comment from this duo will solidify that this captivating duo still exist.

People that didn't make the Endangered Commenter List, but are being placed on Commenter Watch are as follows:

1. Robbie Stroud
2. Anna Fiser
3. Craig Hey
4. Matt Kemph
5. Maggie O'Connor

A special thanks to these faithful commenters who keep me going:
1. Courtney Baxley
2. Alex Holt

Don't Become Extinct, Comment Today!

Buffalo Wings - A Synopsis of the Gray Fiser Wing Career

Look out! For some of us who (might be whom right here, will someone please correct my grammar if incorrect) indulge in the delicious goodness that is Buffalo Wings, the prices are going up according to this CNN video. Although my line graph of wing consumption and 401k are strikingly similar as of late, my taste buds occasionally still tingle for those golden fried, butter bathed, ranch dipped gems. I forget, or try not to think about, how many of my meals in college consisted of wings. At the pinnacle of my wing eating career, I had 3 wing nights a week, averaging 19 pieces at each sitting. Of course, I asked for extra celery and carrots to convince myself that it was a well balanced meal. Not to mention the extra ranch and brews that provided even more balanced. Upon further review of the Nutrition, or Lack of Nutrition facts, I think this price increase might be a good thing. At 32.5 mg of cholesterol packed into a single wing, I have now discovered the origin of my heightened cholesterol levels in my blood. Since this snack looks like it will be shelved for a while, I can only dream of my favorite flavors. Here are my top 3 flavors:

1. Teriyaki

2. Honey BBQ

3. Lemon Pepper

Good thing there isn't a Buffalo Connection in Memphis because that is where I would be dining for lunch.

If you have further information on the wing crisis that looms, please comment. Long Live the Buffalo Wing!

Inauguration Day - What Came to Mind

As I watched the Inauguration coverage last night, some interesting thoughts came to my mind. I know this was a monumental day in the history of the USA, and I don't intend to diminish it's significance but I couldn't control my mind. Sometimes it is like a raging tiger wanting to pounce, and last night was no exception. So without further adoo (sp?), here are some of the thoughts that went through my crazy head:

1. Aretha...where did you get that hat? If I were Obama, I would have gotten on the bag phone and called the Pentagon to issue a code red on her wardrobe. Honestly, where do you buy a hat like that? At last glance, Niemann's didn't have any in their winter catalogue. Someone please let me know where those are sold, and I will get a petition going to discontinue the production.

2. Junior High Student Dance - With all due respect Mr. President, your dance with the First Lady was worst than my first dance with Bonnie Dunn at the 7th grade fall festival dance in the cafeteria. (sorry Bonnie, but I had not yet polished my incredible moves that I possess today) You made history by becoming the first African-American President, so from now on please dance like you are the first African American President. Please leave the lame dance moves to white dudes like the W. and Wild Bill.








3. Kennedy Tries to Steal Obama's Thunder - What would a historical day in US politics be without a Kennedy episode? For the love, can we please have an event that is free of Kennedy Drama. If the episode was legit, get well soon Senator. If not, please resign b/c this was Obama's day.









4. BET Party - One news network showed the BET Inauguration party, and I was wondering if Joe Biden and his wife attended it. Maybe they got a ride with Hilary and Bill's Caddy.







5. Preach Off - I would like to see a preach off between TD Jakes and Rick Warren to see who could bring on the spiritual heat better. My money would be on Jakes. Look how intense he is.

V.

In all seriousness...Congratulations President Obama! You have made history and I wish you the best of luck in the upcoming years. I certainly wouldn't want to be in your position.

Snuggie

Wow! It is bone chilling in Memphis today. Being a thin blooded Jacksonian, these days are unwelcome. I really don't see how people live in Sheboygan, Fargo, and Bismarck during the winter. What do they do when the temp is in the single digits...with a minus sign in front of it? Hibernate like bears? Well I did a little research to find out how people stay warm in the upper midwest during the winter, and realized that the answer was right in front of me. It has been airing on TV for the past 3 months. The solution is a SNUGGIE. https://www.getsnuggie.com/flare/next?videoID=ai195&bufferTime=5 I could really use one this morning b/c it is hard to type on the keyboard underneath a blanket. I need the little arm sleeves to let my little fingers peck away. Well since the snuggies are on backorder, it looks as if I am going to have to deal with my purple hands for a while. Until next time...peace!

Overtime Thoughts of Peyton Manning

Fortunate for most, and unfortunate for some, I am back for a daily double on the Working Days... blog. For those NFL fans out there, forget Christmas and New Years, it is now the most wonderful time of the year...The Playoffs. After watching the Cardinals drub the Falcons, it was time to settle in for the much anticipated Chargers/Colts game. Both teams are hotter than Jennifer Aniston's GQ cover shoot, and one had to go down. Not only was the game great, but we got some free football as well. If there is one thing in NFL football that I am not wild about, it is the overtime rules. I don't like the coin toss being the most dramatic situation during the whole game. The Chargers didn't win the game when Darren Sproles scampered into the end zone, they won when tails was face up on the coin at the beginning of overtime. Back to the point of the post though... I don't know if anyone caught the look on Peyton Manning's face as the Chargers drove down the field in overtime. It was a cross between a stock broker at the end of a horrendous day, and Macho Man Randy Savage before he was about to pile drive someone to the mat. I sat there and pondered what might be going through his bright red head. Here's what I think were Peyton's overtime thoughts:

1. He planning his next attack strategy in the off chance that the Chargers didn't score from the 25 yard line. I think it might have been as futile as General Petraeus strategizing over how to train Iraqi soldiers for the re-establishment of the new Iraqi government. A tough task nonetheless...see video

2. He was thinking about all those anger management brochures that his brother Eli has been sending him since they were teenagers, and Peyton cold cocked him after a game of teather ball. Pondering whether he should enroll after the Chargers punched it in for the victory. How was the media going to handle this? Would it get out to them? Once admitted, would he ever get out. The brochure did say that it has worked on NYC cab drivers for over 10 years.

3. He knew that the game was over and he was fretting over the fact that he would have to pay $15 for the first bag, and $25 for the second bag to travel to the Pro Bowl.

4. He was confused about the process of getting the grass stains out of his pants. He was thinking, "do I use cold water or hot? should I spray shout on it? should I let the dry cleaners deal with is?"

5. He was thinking about his next Gatorade commercial and what color he wanted to sweat. Purple, Black, Green, Magenta?

Whatever the thoughts, you know the intensity was there evidenced by the bulging vein in his forehead. Any one have other ideas what he was thinking about?

How Do You Read Your Books?

Yes, it has been a while since the last post. Let's blame it on the down economy instead of the holidays. Recently, I have moved buildings that I manage at Parkway from one in a suburb to downtown. It is a different world down here. Parking, exercising, and even reading books are different down here. I now park in a parking garage...yep the same one that ate the side paneling off my car. I am joining a new gym that I walk to instead of drive to now. Lastly, the way that you read a book is different. I had just finished up a delicious turkey sandwich with cracked pepper chips at home and came back to the building. I parked in the side eating garage and headed straight for the sky bridge to the building. As I approached the sky bridge, I see this person walking around with their head down and pacing as if they were mad. I think to myself, no big deal, this is how people deal with anger downtown. Well as I approached the lady, I realize that she is also smoking a cigarette...you think...aaahhh not uncommon...well upon further investigation, she is reading a book too. Now when I read, which is rarely, I usually am sitting down with a nice beverage of choice and quietly read. I've seen people read on park benches, eat lunch and read, but never have I seen someone who reads, gets exercise, and feeds the hunger for nicotine at the same time. It was an incredible sight and somehow I hope to multi task this way in the future. Just curious...how do you read your books?